Peter Voluntaryist Walker

Showing all posts tagged relationships:

My Nonjudgmental Plain Vanilla Straight Dating Profile

This needs updating and meanwhile, I'm a veteran, meaning the feds etc know as much as they want, so I have little if anything to hide anyway.
My Nonjudgmental Plain Vanilla Straight Dating Profile
* Deal-breakers for 99% of female adults:
- Mo. income $2,300 & low assets/savings
- 67 yrs, 5'7", 130 lb, athletic bod, rainbow relatives (double-widowed, 1974 a black lady due to cigarettes, 2002 Native American due to alcoholism, I'm Caucasian).
- Part-time or non-LTR not for me, no exception; I will not even kiss on lips unless on-grid or off-grid married or the equivalent
- No driver's licence for the last or next decade
- 97% freethinker, minimal social skills, blunt, not "politically correct", a dork
- Vet AF E7, separated not retired
- "CO Red Card" light use edibles only
* If u r still reading:
- I only care about bone-deep beauty. We live >100 & one dies from natural causes & the other from a broken heart. "ENFJ-A Protagonist"; CDC-Kaiser=2 & resolved; equivalent adult trauma happens & I resolve it the same.
- Spiritually = participate/support/etc your choices, ForeverJung aka eclectic, archetype truths, Love is a verb, outdoors is my cathedral, Tao, Rastafari, 18 Christian commandments, more
* History
- 1952-74 Franciscans, serious sports etc, college+work+hitchhike >35 states/countries
- 74-2016 Two deceased spouses, #1 smoker's lungs, #2 Iraq vet booze, adult kids
- 94-2010
- 2010-now Semi Retired; multi-skilled, *Happily* helpful with kids/disabilities/pets/etc

* Example deal breakers for me (alphabetical):
- Any non-LTR (long term relationship) agendas, games, etc
- Corporate ("mainstream") Culture backstabbing (There are topics such as politics not discussed in polite company and those topics are not worth fighting about or breaking-up over.)
- Disloyalty
- Impoliteness
- Issues for bogus reasons like unfounded jealousy
- Issues needing fixed not getting fixed
- Incompatible morals / ethics / values / methods of disagreeing
- Life in the fast lane, workaholism, etc
- Not reasonably budgeting time together vs alone time
- Not using a qualified arbitrator such as a grievance counselor etc in trainwreck times when two heads are not good enough.
- LTR = Zero secrets, mind games, dishonesty, etc
- Old or new flames
- Putting rocks in snowballs
- Taking issues personal (I'm 100% in your corner anyhow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )
- Unfriendliness

My Perfect Match:
* You are *usually* positive; *sometimes* dealing with life's curve-balls/trainwrecks and your preference is my privilege -- give you space, hold you, listen, talk, your choice.

The perfect three first dates:
*Safety first meaning we meet in a safe public place & fam/friends always welcome to chaperone or enjoy double-dating etc. Politeness always.
*It's not self-deprecating if it's true, and I am in person one half your expectations
*About first dates in general and the older those dating the more true:
- I used to not expect extremely personal details on a first date and I dated a lady whom caught me unexpected with emotional pain and I wasn't sensitive enough and I apologize so much, so much, so much.
- I have also dated people in denial about isms such as workaholism. If it's frosting on the cake, it's not addiction; if it is the cake...
-- Love is a verb, not a noun sitting on a shelf, & in my 20s I was such a gear-head I de facto loved gears more than my wife or children and now in my 60s with so much bad Karma to make up for.
*If we can agree on the above, dating will show any chemistry & if none, a graceful exit is a must to enable networking.

Medical Condition, Alphabetically….
Alcoholism* (Three Inactive years legally treated with CBD and THC)
Diabetes II* (Metformin, Glipizide)
High Blood Pressure(1) (2003 quad bypass) (Carvedilol)
OCD (not diagnosed but obvious and treated legally with CBD and THC)
Paperwork showing more disorders I had when I got my "red card" but since forgot what they were.
Probably more on my VA page I forgot
(1) Genetically they have me by the round things and pills only work in proportion to exercise.

The Ancient Greeks’ 6 Words for Love (And Why Knowing Them Can Change Your Life)

The Ancient Greeks’ 6 Words for Love (And Why Knowing Them Can Change Your Life) 
Looking for an antidote to modern culture's emphasis on romantic love? Perhaps we can learn from the diverse forms of emotional attachment prized by the ancient Greeks.
Roman Krznaric posted Dec 27, 2013
This article originally appeared in Sojourners.
Today's coffee culture has an incredibly sophisticated vocabulary. Do you want a cappuccino, an espresso, a skinny latte, or maybe an iced caramel macchiato?
Eros involved a loss of control that frightened the Greeks.
The ancient Greeks were just as sophisticated in the way they talked about love, recognizing six different varieties. They would have been shocked by our crudeness in using a single word both to whisper "l love you" over a candlelit meal and to casually sign an email "lots of love."
So what were the six loves known to the Greeks? And how can they inspire us to move beyond our current addiction to romantic love, which has 94 percent of young people hoping—but often failing—to find a unique soul mate who can satisfy all their emotional needs?

1. Eros, or sexual passion

The first kind of love was eros, named after the Greek god of fertility, and it represented the idea of sexual passion and desire. But the Greeks didn't always think of it as something positive, as we tend to do today. In fact, eros was viewed as a dangerous, fiery, and irrational form of love that could take hold of you and possess you—an attitude shared by many later spiritual thinkers, such as the Christian writer C.S. Lewis.

Eros involved a loss of control that frightened the Greeks. Which is odd, because losing control is precisely what many people now seek in a relationship. Don't we all hope to fall "madly" in love?

2. Philia, or deep friendship

The second variety of love was philia or friendship, which the Greeks valued far more than the base sexuality of eros. Philia concerned the deep comradely friendship that developed between brothers in arms who had fought side by side on the battlefield. It was about showing loyalty to your friends, sacrificing for them, as well as sharing your emotions with them. (Another kind of philia, sometimes called storge, embodied the love between parents and their children.)
We can all ask ourselves how much of this comradely philia we have in our lives. It's an important question in an age when we attempt to amass "friends" on Facebook or "followers" on Twitter—achievements that would have hardly impressed the Greeks.
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3. Ludus, or playful love

This was the Greeks' idea of playful love, which referred to the affection between children or young lovers. We've all had a taste of it in the flirting and teasing in the early stages of a relationship. But we also live out our ludus when we sit around in a bar bantering and laughing with friends, or when we go out dancing.
Dancing with strangers may be the ultimate ludic activity, almost a playful substitute for sex itself. Social norms may frown on this kind of adult frivolity, but a little more ludus might be just what we need to spice up our love lives.

4. Agape, or love for everyone

The fourth love, and perhaps the most radical, was agape or selfless love. This was a love that you extended to all people, whether family members or distant strangers. Agape was later translated into Latin as caritas, which is the origin of our word "charity."
C.S. Lewis referred to it as "gift love," the highest form of Christian love. But it also appears in other religious traditions, such as the idea of mettā or "universal loving kindness" in Theravāda Buddhism.
There is growing evidence that agape is in a dangerous decline in many countries. Empathy levels in the U.S. have declined sharply over the past 40 years, with the steepest fall occurring in the past decade. We urgently need to revive our capacity to care about strangers.

5. Pragma, or longstanding love

Another Greek love was the mature love known as pragma. This was the deep understanding that developed between long-married couples.
Pragma was about making compromises to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance.
The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm said that we expend too much energy on "falling in love" and need to learn more how to "stand in love." Pragma is precisely about standing in love—making an effort to give love rather than just receive it. With about a third of first marriages in the U.S. ending through divorce or separation in the first 10 years, the Greeks would surely think we should bring a serious dose of pragma into our relationships.

6. Philautia, or love of the self

The Greek's sixth variety of love was philautia or self-love. And the clever Greeks realized there were two types. One was an unhealthy variety associated with narcissism, where you became self-obsessed and focused on personal fame and fortune. A healthier version enhanced your wider capacity to love.

This article is based on the author's new book, How Should We Live? Great Ideas from the Past for Everyday Life.
The idea was that if you like yourself and feel secure in yourself, you will have plenty of love to give others (as is reflected in the Buddhist-inspired concept of "self-compassion"). Or, as Aristotle put it, "All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man's feelings for himself."
The ancient Greeks found diverse kinds of love in relationships with a wide range of people—friends, family, spouses, strangers, and even themselves. This contrasts with our typical focus on a single romantic relationship, where we hope to find all the different loves wrapped into a single person or soul mate. The message from the Greeks is to nurture the varieties of love and tap into its many sources. Don't just seek eros, but cultivate philia by spending more time with old friends, or develop ludus by dancing the night away.
Moreover, we should abandon our obsession with perfection. Don't expect your partner to offer you all the varieties of love, all of the time (with the danger that you may toss aside a partner who fails to live up to your desires). Recognize that a relationship may begin with plenty of eros and ludus, then evolve toward embodying more pragma or agape.
The diverse Greek system of loves can also provide consolation. By mapping out the extent to which all six loves are present in your life, you might discover you've got a lot more love than you had ever imagined—even if you feel an absence of a physical lover.
It's time we introduced the six varieties of Greek love into our everyday way of speaking and thinking. If the art of coffee deserves its own sophisticated vocabulary, then why not the art of love?

The Truth About Codependency

The Truth About Codependency
41,996 views views
Published on Nov 18, 2015


The art of argument | Jordan Peterson

The art of argument | Jordan Peterson
58,106 views Recommended for you
Published on Jul 15, 2018


Do you really want to win an argument, or do you want to find mutual ground and understanding? Canadian psychologist and author Jordan Peterson feels that in most cases it's the latter. It might take some getting used to, he posits, as acquiescence by its very nature means admitting that you're wrong in some way.


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Jordan Peterson: So how do you deal with situations where your words are likely to be used out of context, let’s say.

And that’s a situation I’ve encountered. Well, you see, you encounter a situation like that very frequently. Everyone does in their life. If you’re having a discussion with someone you live with, for example, so someone you have to be with for a long time – a lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband—sibling for that matter. You’re going to have contentious discussions about how to move forward and it’s very frequently the case that your words will be – that you’ll be straw-manned. Your words will be taken out of context.

The other person (and you too!) will try to win instead of trying to solve the problem. What you have to kind of decide is – well two things. The first thing is: you’re probably wrong in some important way. And you might think "Well, so what?" But no, it’s not so simple. Being wrong in some important way is like having a map that doesn’t correspond to the streets.

If you’re wrong in some important way, when you go to where you’re going you will get lost and you might end up in a neighborhood that you don’t want to visit! So it actually matters if you’re wrong.

And so now if you’re talking to someone who is acting in opposition to you, it’s possible that during your contentious discussion they will tell you something—about how you’re wrong—that’s accurate. Now you’re not going to be very happy about that, because like who wants to discover that they’re wrong?

But it’s better to figure out that your map is inaccurate than it is to get lost.

And so one of the things you have to remember when you’re discussing things with people, even if they’re out to defeat you, let’s say, is that there is some glimmering of the possibility that you could walk away with more knowledge than you walked in with.

And that’s worth – that can be worth paying quite a price for.

And so I’ve had the opportunity to engage in public debate of an exceptionally contentious nature for let’s say 18 months nonstop, fundamentally. And it’s been very stressful. But the upshot of that is that my arguments are in much better shape than they were, and—I shouldn’t say that. My THOUGHTS are much more refined than they were at the beginning of this process. It’s not my arguments are in better shape. That’s not the right way to think about it.

It’s that I’m clearer about what I know. I can articulate it better. And that’s all forged in the heat of conflict.

If you’re discussing a contentious issue with someone you love and that you have to live with and put up with, you want to listen to them. Because what you really want to do is establish a lasting peace, and you might even have to make their arguments for them. Maybe you’re more verbally fluent than your partner (which doesn’t mean, by the way, that you’re more right, it just means you can construct better arguments on the fly. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re more accurate).

You might have to help your partner formulate their arguments so that you can really get to grips with what it is that they’re trying to say. So that you can alter the way that you’re constructing your own narrative and your joint narrative, so that you’re not butting heads unnecessarily as you move forward through life.

It’s not a very good idea to win an argument with your wife. That isn’t what you want, because then you have a defeated partner. And a defeated partner is not happy. And a defeated partner is often out to reclaim the defeat.

And so as a strategy for moving forward with someone who you’re going to wake up beside 5,000 times it’s not a very advisable strategy. It’s better to listen, to flesh out the argument on both sides, and to see if you can come to a mutually acceptable negotiated settlement. And that’s the case in most encounters in life if you can manage that. But it’s easy to want to win.

Bogus Limey "News" Crown-vs-Epstein Interview

They start the interview with "...who committed suicide..." and continue and end the interview with The Establishment line "Nothing to see here folks"; i.e., "Silly sheeple, laws are for you, not your owners."

It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)

Please Note: This is the source for the quote "He not busy being born is busy dyin' "
It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)
5,141,512 views views
Published on Apr 21, 2014


"Darkness at the break of noon
Shadows even the silver spoon
The handmade blade, the child's balloon
Eclipses both the sun and moon
To understand you know too soon
There is no sense in trying

As pointed threats, they bluff with scorn
Suicide remarks are torn
From the fool's gold mouthpiece the hollow horn
Plays wasted words, proves to warn
That he not busy being born is busy dying

Temptation's page flies out the door
You follow, find yourself at war
Watch waterfalls of pity roar
You feel to moan but unlike before
You discover that you'd just be one more
Person crying

So don't fear if you hear
A foreign sound to your ear
It's alright, Ma, I'm only sighing

As some warn victory, some downfall
Private reasons great or small
Can be seen in the eyes of those that call
To make all that should be killed to crawl
While others say don't hate nothing at all
Except hatred

Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark
Make everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark
It's easy to see without looking too far
That not much is really sacred

While preachers preach of evil fates
Teachers teach that knowledge waits
Can lead to hundred-dollar plates
Goodness hides behind its gates
But even the president of the United States
Sometimes must have to stand naked

An' though the rules of the road have been lodged
It's only people's games that you've got to dodge
And it's alright, Ma, I can make it

Advertising signs they con
You into thinking you're the one
That can do what's never been done
That can win what's never been won
Meantime life outside goes on
All around you

You lose yourself, you reappear
You suddenly find you got nothing to fear
Alone you stand with nobody near
When a trembling distant voice, unclear
Startles your sleeping ears to hear
That somebody thinks they really found you

A question in your eyes is lit
Yet you know there is no answer fit
To satisfy, insure you not to quit
To keep it in your mind and not forget
That it is not he or she or them or it
That you belong to

Although the masters make the rules
For the wise men and the fools
I got nothing, Ma, to live up to

For them that must bow down to authority
That they do not respect in any degree
Who despise their jobs, their destinies
Speak jealously of them that are free
Cultivate their flowers to be
Nothing more than something they invest in

While some on principles baptized
To strict party platform ties
Social clubs in drag disguise
Outsiders they can freely criticize
Tell nothing except who to idolize
And then say God bless him

While one who sings with his tongue on fire
Gargles in the rat race choir
Bent out of shape from society's pliers
Cares not to come up any higher
But rather get you down in the hole
That he's in

But I mean no harm nor put fault
On anyone living in a vault
But it's alright, Ma, if I can't please him

Old lady judges watch people in pairs
Limited in sex, they dare
To tell fake morals, insult and stare
While money doesn't talk, it swears
Obscenity, who really cares
Propaganda, all is phony

While them that defend what they cannot see
With a killer's pride, security
It blows the minds most bitterly
For them that think death's honesty
Won't fall upon them naturally
Life sometimes must get lonely

My eyes collide head-on with stuffed
Graveyards, false goals (gods), I scuff
At pettiness which plays so rough
Walk upside-down inside handcuffs
Kick my legs to crash it off
Say okay, I have had enough, what else can you show me?

And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They'd probably put my head in a guillotine
But it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only"

Top Comments

MsB - Springsteenfan | 1 year ago
Congratulations to Bob, awesome.....Bob deserves his Nobel Prize!!

Principled Uncertainty | 2 years ago
The greatest song ever written.

Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat | 1 year ago
My current obsession with this song is unhealthy

Gerd Moe-Behrens | 1 year ago
Congratulations - Nobel prize in literature - awesome!

TheGhost5600 | 1 year ago
How in the world did he remember all those lyrics?

Jumpin' JAKE Flash | 1 year ago
My favorite song by the greatest songwriter of all time.

Grant Neal | 1 year ago
Not sure why everyone likes to shit on Dylan's singing. He's got a great voice.

Jack Smith | 2 years ago
The good news; this is still a great song, The bad news; the shit is still going on.

Maria Pratiwi | 2 years ago
OMG.. that's very long lyric! you're so amazing Dylan

Conrad Conero | 1 year ago
A true genius. Congratulations on the well deserved Nobel Prize!

Altruism Versus Selfishness

In each of us homo sapiens, Yin includes altruism and Yang includes selfishness. Both are needed in as close to a 50-50 balance as we can each manage. An amount of selfishness is needed because one can't give away what one doesn't have. Scientifically speaking, our group selection put altruism in almost all of us and the individual's evolution *within* the group put self- centeredness in almost all of us:

"If we assume that groups are approximately equal to one another in weaponry and other technology, which has been the case for most of the time among primitive societies over hundreds of thousands of years, we can expect that the outcome of between-group competition is determined largely by the details of social behavior within each group in turn. These traits are the size and tightness of the group, and the quality of communication and division of labor among its members. Such traits are heritable to some degree; in other words, variation in them is due in part to differences in genes among the members of the group, hence also among the groups themselves. The genetic fitness of each member, the number of reproducing descendants it leaves, is determined by the cost exacted and benefit gained from its membership in the group. These include the favor or disfavor it earns from other group members on the basis of its behavior. The currency of favor is paid by direct reciprocity and indirect reciprocity, the latter in the form of reputation and trust. How well a group performs depends on how well its members work together, regardless of the degree by which each is individually favored or disfavored within the group. The genetic fitness of a human being must therefore be a consequence of both individual selection and group selection." - Wilson, Edward O.. The Social Conquest of Earth (Kindle Locations 765-774). Liveright. Kindle Edition. (Some words bolded by me.)